I am in life

Tomorrow's chains have been broken by passions of the past
I lose myself in this frenzied languid fervor
But this touch won't leave me blind... this time
A smile greets mine, deals my cheeks a royal flush
Another moment pauses, hiding heaven behind her eyes.

Three days edge past, attended by crowds of solitary men
Swearing they're crippled, these martyrs deliver wounds
to the able legs that afflict them.
I issue the promise this razor won't taste my pain again,
Though rivulets of red spill as I join the ranks of the lonely

This leave that was meant to free bound me close
Again the weeks close, their song will not be sung
My heart was bleeding for an aid that wouldn't come
This soul waiting for another tragedy
Quaking hands rattle the cage though I hold the key

More words scramble to hide the thoughts I taste
A glimpse of life sends my mind reeling, but
I plant the seeds of tomorrow in hopes
For more pepper on my over-done dish

Another dawn lights my eyes.

Hestia? Really?

So, I've been reading these books. They're called Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Don't judge me.

Anyway, it ends with this cheezy message about how friends are the most important thing, and if you keep your hope with them, things will work out. It's a nice thought, but can be very untrue. Some of my best friends have let me down in a big way, and I've done worse to those who count on me. Despite the fact that i can be a jerkwad, my life has been saved by so many of my friends, and I just want to take a second to thank a few.

The first person who comes to mind is Sydney. She's my best friend who I can always count on when I'm too stupid to ask for help. It's weird to think about all the crap we've been through together, and how she'll always be a part of my family. Thanks sis.

Another friend I've grown to appreciate over the past couple years is Alisha. I set her up with a good friend of mine, and she's become the person i call when i need a pickmeup. She is super awesome.

Joseph has changed me into a more happy person than I ever would've been without him. He was my friend when I went into high school, and he's just gotten closer to my heart since then.

I have a lot more i should be writing down, but sometimes I get ADD and want to do other things. Like watch "Jesus is my friend" on youtube. Sorry, maybe i'll talk more next time.

Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus make me feel good inside

It's been a VERY long time since I've been on here, but this song made me explode.

K, yesterday I hung out with my cousin, and we swapped a LOT of music and movies that we both need to watch. One artist she told me about is named Tom Waits, and I didn't think I knew anything about him, but he's Dr. Heller in Mystery Men. Odd. (pretty odd, actually)

Anyway, Liza sang "Chocolate Jesus" to me, and it's beautiful. But right now I'm looking at two songs. One is A Christmas Card, and the other is Hoist That Rag.

Actually, before I go any further, I need to describe his voice. "Waits' voice sounds like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months, and then taken outside and run over with a car." He is a blues singer in every sense of the word.

hey charlie i'm pregnant
and living on the 9th street
right above a dirty bookstore
off euclid avenue
and i stopped takin dope
and i quit drinkin whiskey
and my old man plays the trombone
and works out at the track

Charlie knew this callgirl well, and years later she wrote him a letter trying to tell him about how she improved her life.

hey charlie i almost went crazy
after mario got busted
so i went back to omaha to
live with my folks
but everyone i used to know
was either dead or in prison
so i came back to minneapolis
this time i think i'm gonna stay.

This shouldn't matter very much, but it makes me smile how omaha always seems to work its way into things. But this is about halfway through the song, showing how hard things have been for her.

hey charlie i think i'm happy
for the first time since my accident
and i wish i had all the money
that we used to spend on dope
i'd buy me a used car lot
and i wouldn't sell any of em
i'd just drive a different car
every day, dependin on how i feel

She's not really happy, she's just telling him this. Her life is a disappointment, but she's trying.

hey charlie for chrissakes
do you want to know the
truth of it?
i don't have a husband
he don't play the trombone
and i need to borrow money
to pay this lawyer
and charlie, hey
i'll be eligible for parole
come valentines day

And it all comes out. She wanted to impress charlie because she wants a friend. She misses having anyone care about her, so she lied to him to try to be his friend again. I love her more than ever right here.

Hoist That Rag

Just listen. I doubt I understand it all right now, but the song seems to be about being tired of life. Sometimes God uses you as his drummer boy to beat his weary drum for the day. As long as you raise a flag, you can pretend to have meaning, and everything will be all right.

This song is beautiful. Listen and feel it with me.

Well we stick our fingers in
The ground, heave and
Turn the world around

long

I started work yesterday. Ten hours is a long time. Plus the hour ride in and another hour back. It's pretty cool, though. Dugway is not quite as bad as I thought it would be.

But seriously... ten hours. I hate it.

Also! I need to finish my eagle project. I'm making a monument to the benmore pioneers, and i'm very whatever about it, but i want to get it done so i"m an eagle before i turn 18.

tomorrow is my last day of the week, and i'm planning on going to institute tomorrow night! I'm so excited! That's all for tonight :)

bed

I never thought it would happen, but i'm sick of being in bed. I've spent most of the past day and a half in bed, but in the public eye. My only privacy is here on my computer, which seems to be a paradox, as the computer and everything i do on it is out there for the world to see.

My cheeks are still big, but i don't care. I'm sick of dealing with my wisdom teeth. Why does it have to be such a big deal? why can't i just go to sleep, and have everything be taken care of.

Well, there are good things about bedrest. for one, me being sick and miserable got Jenna to come out and visit. I loved it, even though we just watched a couple of movies (and got attacked because we were --can you believe this?-- sharing a blanket!).

But here I am, not wanting to sleep. I just want to be back with jenna having a great time! I guess I shouldn't complain too much when I don't get to see her, but I figure that i'll have to spend a lot of time not seeing her, and why should I get a headstart on things?

Also, Jenna is an amazing author. I love her. And she's completely AMAZING! :) that's all for now.

Oh wait, I can't wait till the blink 182 concert! also, the warped tour will be amazing! switchfoot will be fun, but i need to catch up on them. and i'm dreading the fact that i might be forced to go to the jonas brothers' stadium of fire. AH! Somebody save me and volunteer to go with syd!

chipmunk!

My face hurts. I'm tired. I like the feeling of ice on my face. ugh.

my graduation present is the best ever. i have no more wisdom teeth. hooray. i went out and partied the night before, and i fell asleep even before they started giving me the juice. yeah. but now i have all of this stuff that i'm supposed to do, and i'm sort of aching, and i felt like whining. things aren't too horrible, but they do suck.

but i graduated! and i love tucci's restaurant! one of the owners came over and started giving me advice about how i should try to live the dream. shoot for the stars, and if i miss, maybe a little of my dream falls on the cute girl next to me (jenna). It was really random and amazing and hilarious.

Graduation is over! That's all. I heart miguel and shane and spencer. oh, and you can't forget tony the tiger. they were the highlights of the show.

I got some amazing presents. I got nice luggage from my mom, an exciting ww2 compass from my dad, a sewing kit (i never would have thought of this, but seems useful), and jenna's presents were amazing. i liked "how to be the best at everything", but my favorite was the book she wrote full of random stories about us :) I love her :)

Two Weeks or one summer

Another day another Destiny

Tomorrow you'll be worlds away,
and yet with you my world has started

I was born to be with you,
and i swear i will be True

One more day before the storm
at the barricades of freedom!

How can I live when we are parted?

Tomorrow we'll discover
what our God in Heaven has in store!
One more dawn.
One more day.
One day more.