Time to Dance

Dance Dance, we're falling apart to have time.
I wish i had more time. Not to get anything done, but just to enjoy life, the universe, and everything. That's my need. Oh, and i found something out yesterday... soccer is AMAZING! I haven't really played for a few years, but yesterday, jenna and i schooled some old mexicans, and it was a blast. wooh!

PAIN!

My entire body hurts. mainly my torso and legs, not too much in the rest. except my brain. cause it's tired and procrastinating biology.

speaking of bio, i'm in calc, not stats, soren. nevermind then.

so anyway, i'm starting track after about 5 months of inactivity, and my entire body just hurts. like i have a dull ache going sitting here, but that's the best i'm going to get, except for laying down. oh, i'm a contestant for sterling scholar now! wooh! hooray for fooling the judges into thinking i'm smart!

oh, and the school newspaper is almost out, and my page is totally hardcore. it may or may not be online on http://tooelehigh.org/ under links then buffalog. hooray for sports!

um... i'm tired and giving up for the day. bleargh!

fix things

I was upset the other night, but yesterday i realized something. It's one thing to get angry and hate when someone's not around, but when she is, I can't do it. So i feel like garbage for being mean, and i wish for nothing more than to be friends again. i want to hang out with her and have things be normal and happy. i just want to go back to being really close to her.

It took me a long time to come to this realization, but when I saw how hurt she was, it tore me apart inside. Reading things she had written upset me, but it was just an angry type of upset. Real life is a lot better than stupid online.

I'm sorry. Any number of excuses isn't enough to make up for what has happened. I just hope and pray that we can be close again. I know things won't ever be the same, but maybe they will get better.

happy? very yes!

I HATE MANIPULATION!

So my life has gotten ridiculously simple and ridiculously complex in one swift stroke.

Since my last post, I decided to take a chance. I left the beaten path and decided to go out with a new friend. And.... something happened that i didn't expect. I fell in love with her. It's sort of making me completely happy. Every time i see her, i get butterflies. I feel like I've been with her forever, and i'll be happy to be with her for a lot longer.

Anyway, back to the hatred. I'm sick of others having problems with me being happy. I try my best to include everyone and everything, but my life is exploding in all directions, and I'm trying to be there for everyone. It just sucks that I don't even know i'm doing things that hurt others until after my death certificate has been signed.

So... manipulation. i'm not going to go into detail, but i can feel it from all angles except one, and it hurts. why can't people just be honest?

well it's getting late, so i'm going to bed. gnight!

it's as easy as life

WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME TIME AS PAINFUL?
sometimes i wish i didn't have rules to live by. if i didn't have to deal with consequences, then everything'd be easy. i would be able to take chances; i could metaphorically dive off cliffs to see how it'd feel, but when the ground came rushing up at me, i wouldn't have to feel the splat. so here i am, tiptoeing around life because i'm scared of hurting myself and others.

the edge of dusk

i want to be deep right now. i want to know what's going on in my head. i also want to have 12 gummi bears. hmm

you see, a new friend of mine is basically amazing. i've been helping her break up with her boy, and am getting to be purty good friends. but that's all i want to happen, so i need to learn to hold back. instead i've been sort of not hanging with her if i have the chance.

then an old friend of mine is being complicated. she has no interest in me until i start to show something with 'new friend.' so for a day or two, we're real again, just super friends, then she's starting to drift away again. i think. once again, i'll give my disclaimer: i'm a seventeen year old idiot.

so now i just want to forget about girls and take a great trip to california! i guess i'll just dance this week with syd. that makes thinking about other girls a lot easier. thank goodness for syd.

shoulder to the wheel

I was listening to saves the day, and i sort of love this song. that's all for today

And I say, "Just go.
Please, Dave, just drive.
Get us as far as far can be.
Get us away from tonight."
And I say, "Oh, Dave, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to yell,
But I'm having quite a bad week
And I miss my mom."
And we drive
Dave steps on the gas
The world that's flying by is slick and smooth
Just big waves of light
The radio is playing Queen
And we're rocking out
We're going now
'Cause, hey, this is it
This is where we are
Out here where silence is
Seventy miles an hour and the windows up tight
And I am home.