fix things

I was upset the other night, but yesterday i realized something. It's one thing to get angry and hate when someone's not around, but when she is, I can't do it. So i feel like garbage for being mean, and i wish for nothing more than to be friends again. i want to hang out with her and have things be normal and happy. i just want to go back to being really close to her.

It took me a long time to come to this realization, but when I saw how hurt she was, it tore me apart inside. Reading things she had written upset me, but it was just an angry type of upset. Real life is a lot better than stupid online.

I'm sorry. Any number of excuses isn't enough to make up for what has happened. I just hope and pray that we can be close again. I know things won't ever be the same, but maybe they will get better.

happy? very yes!

I HATE MANIPULATION!

So my life has gotten ridiculously simple and ridiculously complex in one swift stroke.

Since my last post, I decided to take a chance. I left the beaten path and decided to go out with a new friend. And.... something happened that i didn't expect. I fell in love with her. It's sort of making me completely happy. Every time i see her, i get butterflies. I feel like I've been with her forever, and i'll be happy to be with her for a lot longer.

Anyway, back to the hatred. I'm sick of others having problems with me being happy. I try my best to include everyone and everything, but my life is exploding in all directions, and I'm trying to be there for everyone. It just sucks that I don't even know i'm doing things that hurt others until after my death certificate has been signed.

So... manipulation. i'm not going to go into detail, but i can feel it from all angles except one, and it hurts. why can't people just be honest?

well it's getting late, so i'm going to bed. gnight!