Speak

I guess I was in a bad mood yesterday. Today I'm understanding that things have changed. We're both different now, and that's okay. I keep wanting to have things be... something. Not like they were. Not like they are. Just civil. But I need to relax. I keep wanting things to be better, but life is good. I can't get everything I want, and besides, life could be worse.

I'm finally Realizing why I've been so upset. I want to feel free of any guilt. I want her to feel happy. But if any action I take makes her more upset, then isn't it a bad thing to try to help? I'm not sure what to do, but I think that I'm ready to try to forget. I don't need forgiveness for doing what I've done in this relationship--it would be nice, but I'm learning that I can survive without things being like they were. I pray for her that she might be happy.

Well I sat down next to a photograph
Tried my best almost made her laugh
She was my toughest crowd

Well I sat down next to a living hell
Tried my best until I struck out

And it's not me
Not my sanctity
These aren't my words to you
It's all clear when it's not from here
So clear
So I'll try not to speak

I guess I'll try not to speak. When everything I do hurts her, the best move is to let her try to be happy on her own, isn't it?
:'(
isn't it?